Taming the Tantrum Storm: A Parent's Guide

Temper tantrums can feel like a hurricane hitting your home, leaving chaos in its wake. But fear not, dear parents! Understanding the science behind these outbursts can help you weather the storm.

Understanding the Tantrum

A tantrum is essentially a child's overwhelmed emotional response. Their tiny brains are still developing, and they lack the vocabulary and emotional regulation skills to express their feelings effectively. This emotional overload often manifests as a tantrum.

How to Handle Tantrums

1. Stay Calm: Your child is looking to you for cues. If you react with anger or frustration, it escalates the situation. Take deep breaths and remember, this too shall pass.

2. Create a Safe Space: Ensure your child is safe from harm during a tantrum. Remove them from dangerous situations if necessary.

3. Validate Feelings: Even though the behavior is challenging, acknowledge your child's feelings. Phrases like, "What is there to cry" or "why are you screaming" can make them feel misunderstood. Embrace the emotion! All emotions are good. They are the body's alarm system!

4. Set Limits: While validating feelings, it's essential to maintain boundaries. Clearly state unacceptable behavior without engaging in power struggles once the emotion has settled.

5. Ignore if Safe: If the tantrum is not harmful, consider ignoring it. This can sometimes reduce the reinforcement for the behavior.

6. Offer Choices: When appropriate, give your child choices to regain a sense of control. For example, "Do you want to sit here or go to your room to calm down?"

7. Distraction: If possible, redirect your child's attention to a different activity. This can sometimes disrupt the tantrum cycle. You could have a Calm-Down corner, a Squeeze-It-Till-You-Freeze-It toy or a Breathe-Until-It-Settles glitter jar!

8. Teach Coping Skills: As your child grows, teach them healthy ways to express frustration, like box-breathing or counting to ten or those toys mentioned above.

9. Self-Care: Tantrums can be exhausting. Remember to prioritize your own well-being. Seek support from partners, friends, or family.

The five-step guide to calm the chaos

1. Say the child's name - "Hey Rohan...

2. Get them to your eye level or go down to theirs! Be equals!

3. Label the emotion - "I can see you're feeling very upset/angry/sad/scared...."

4. Hold the child close or massage their back/shoulders - "I'm right here, and we can talk once you're ready.."

5. Wait till the wave of emotion washes over

Remember to bring in the logic only after the chaos has calmed!

The Science Behind It

When a child has a tantrum, their amygdala (the emotional brain) is in overdrive. The prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making) is temporarily offline. This is why reasoning with a child during a tantrum is often ineffective.

By staying calm and providing a supportive environment, you help their brain gradually return to a balanced state. Over time, with consistent and patient parenting, children learn to regulate their emotions more effectively.

Remember, tantrums are a normal part of childhood development. Your role is to provide a safe and understanding environment while teaching your child valuable life skills. With patience and consistency, you can help your child navigate these stormy waters and emerge stronger on the other side.

-Anagha Pandit

Psychologist