Building Bridges: Communicating with your tweens and teens!

As children transition into adolescence, they often begin to pull away from their parents and lean more heavily on their peer group. This can be a challenging time for parents, marked by a shift in dynamics and communication. But fear not! This phase is a normal part of development, and with the right approach, you can nurture a strong and open relationship with your teen.

Understanding the Shift

It's essential to understand the underlying reasons for this change. Adolescence is a period of intense identity formation. Teens are exploring their independence, testing boundaries, and developing their own values and beliefs. While this can be unsettling, it's also a crucial step towards becoming a mature adult.

Building Trust and Open Communication

• Create a Safe Space: Let your teen know that they can come to you with anything, without fear of judgment or punishment. Active listening is key. Show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.

• Quality Time: Dedicate uninterrupted, one-on-one time with your teen. Engage in activities they enjoy, whether it's a shared hobby, a sporting event, or simply hanging out.
  

• Disconnect to connect: Disconnect from your devices, make eye contact. Have device free zones at home!

• Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions without dismissing them. Phrases like, "I understand you're feeling frustrated" or "That sounds really tough" can go a long way.

• Set Boundaries with Empathy: While it's important to grant more independence, clear and consistent boundaries are essential. Explain the reasons behind your rules and be open to negotiation.

• Practice Reflective Listening: Rephrase what your teen has said to show that you're understanding their perspective. This encourages them to elaborate and feel heard.

• Model Open Communication: Children learn by example. Share your own thoughts and feelings openly and honestly with your teen.

• Avoid Overreacting: It's easy to become defensive or upset when your teen is critical. Try to stay calm and respond thoughtfully.
  

Tips for Effective Conversations

• Find the Right Time and Place: Choose a quiet, distraction-free environment for important conversations. Prepare for these conversations, don't lose cool!

• Start Small: Begin with casual chats and gradually build up to deeper topics.

• Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings without blaming or accusing. For example, "I feel worried when you don't come home on time."

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage your teen to share their thoughts and feelings by asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer.

• Be Patient: Building trust takes time. Don't expect immediate results.

Remember, this is a phase. While it may be challenging at times, it's also an opportunity for growth and strengthening your bond with your teen. By creating a supportive and open environment, you can help them navigate this important stage of development with confidence and resilience.

And above all, be compassionate with yourself as a parent. It's okay to mistakes and own up if you do. That'll teach your children to own up too! Also, have some ME-time to yourself, so you can clear your head and be available for your children when they need you!

-Anagha Pandit

Psychologist